Being in a relationship is like dealing with your future. You have to make choices properly to be able to have a good answer. However, what if it goes wrong? What do you prefer to be? The one who’ll stay and understand everything as much as you can? The one that got away or the ex-psycho?
Whether it’s with friends or any kind of romantic relationship, I always wanted to be “The one that got away” after a breakup. However, I knew myself very well that I can’t resist talking and thinking about them. I want to act cold but I still talk, like you can still count on me because I love you. That kind of feeling, maybe after overnight, I’m ok na.
After several days of reflection of reality, In the process, I realized that I was not the one that got away. I was the ex-girlfriend who felt insecure, fears, trust issues, strict parents issues, conservative issues, pains, and triggers to be the best. Still, I don’t have that confidence because I knew that he’s looking for this and that. I shall be like this and that. I am adjusting the way I can. Sadly, it didn’t work out. That’s why you’re reading this because I’m already the ex-pyscho.
Overthinking, insecurities and all negative thoughts are playing around in my mind for like a week now. I’m so busted.
Now I know what is the feeling of having a “The one that got away”
Someone who disappeared without proper explanation. He promised and all but where is he now? He said that he loves me but where’s the love now? Is this it? I’m so hurt because why do I have to feel this way if I just love someone so dearly? My heart breaks.
He stopped talking to me and just seen my chats. Can’t you even type a simple explanation? I know it’s hard for you to do it but I deserve an explanation. Why so sudden? Did you truly love me? What were those 3 months for? But still, I tried to understand you. Maybe you’re up to something or maybe you have a personal problem. I don’t know.
I’m so dumb for asking all over again why? Why did you leave me hanging? Did you ever love me? I didn’t stalk if he has a new one. I don’t want to know because it will hurt me more. “Rejection is not an investigation trigger. It’s an action initiator.”
I forgive him. Am I nuts? No, I just know how to accept that I can’t insist or beg someone to love me. If he can’t and want to go out of my life, I will accept and respect that even though it breaks my heart.
Forgiveness is not about condoning what happened or accepting injustice. It’s about adjusting your boundaries in light of accepting who someone has revealed themselves to be. I want to have peace of mind and just be happy with the people who truly love me.
Stalking, wilding, screaming, crying all over, and obsession isn’t my thing. I’m feeling my feelings and pain. What can I do with these? Nothing, right? I won’t spend my whole life searching for you and your answers.
Luckily, I have my dogs where I spend my energy instead of crying all over again.
Today, I will invest more in myself. I will get a life that I want. I will love myself more so nobody can make me feel unwanted. I will use my pain to improve and to become whom I meant for this life.
I will still pray for him and his future success in life.
Being the ex-psycho isn’t a problem. Because you did your best to work on with your relationship and you love someone wholeheartedly. You didn’t lose here but you learned.
I learned how to love wholeheartedly by not being scared to love all over again. I learned to stay faithful and committed and on how to fight for someone even though he gave up.
I will still love you from a far and I’ll let God do the rest.